“I have to go. My little brother died.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll clean stuff up, but I gotta go.”
In an instant his world changed. This man I didn’t know was grief-striken. He needed to leave, but he was trying to finish his job, do the right thing. I wanted to do something, say the right thing, offer some comfort, really I wanted to give him a big hug. Give him a shoulder to lean on.
This was the contractor I hired to install a sprinkler system in my yard. I did a little research and got a couple of bids, but I hired him because I liked his style. He was easy-going, laid-back, but seemed to know his business. I wanted him to do the job.
I kept trying to get him to leave, telling him I could handle putting things away. Go be with your family. He did finally.
Again, I don’t know him, but I still feel grief for him and his family. It still kind of kicks you in the gut to realize that we aren’t in control. No matter how much we think we are, there is a higher power. And he has a plan. The Plan.
Busy day, busy thoughts.
Possibilities swimming around like those fish in a small basin that chew the fungus off your feet.
While it sounds a bit strange, it is supposed to be invigorating.
Just like the new possibilities swirling around in my world.
Busy thoughts, busy sleep.
Yes, I’ve written each day. Maybe not masterpieces, but that’s okay. I think there have been a few special lines or phrases here and there. But at least I’m getting back into the swing of things. I’m losing my way a bit this week with my yoga though. I didn’t make to class today. This will be a 4 day week instead 6 visits. Just haven’t been able to swing it.
But yesterday I started a new Bible study. So now I get to add that discipline to my day, studying a little each night to prepare for the Wednesday classes. I need it too, the daily reminder of my blessings, which are many.
Yes, I made it to class today after missing two days. I know it sounds stilly, but I was wondering if I would still be able to do the poses! Ok, yes I’m being a little melodramatic. I do the same with real life situations. Oh, I better not try to do that, I won’t remember what to do. Or I shouldn’t call her, she won’t remember me. Confidence. As smart as I am and as well schooled, I still have confidence issues. Not every day. But it doesn’t take much to make me doubt myself. Where does that come from? Can I blame it on my mother? I shouldn’t, I know better. Positive self talk, more positive self talk, that’s what I need. I’m still learning, life is a lifelong lesson. I don’t think I’ll ever be completely schooled.
Trying to get back in the routine of school is a little tough this time. Actually the week is going well with the students, I’m just really tired and not wanting to get up in the morning! Not so unusual for me. I would love for school to start at 10:00 am instead of 7:45 am and still be done at 2:45. Fat chance!
I’m realizing that skipping yoga for a second day in a row isn’t helping either. I thought I’d give myself a break yesterday and then today I was just lazy. I’ve got to make it tomorrow. I haven’t missed 3 days in a row in a really long time. There are good things about having routines. I do think we really need things to maintain some necessary order. I’m maintaining my daily writing which is very gratifying. I’ve just got to get back to my other routines. Wish me luck!
Funny, how things work. I texted my daughter about the L.A. earthquake today.
“Did you feel it?”
Of course, she does live in San Francisco. I do know they aren’t close, but we’re from Texas and she doesn’t know what to do in one, so yes I worry. She said she shared the text with the office staff and they all laughed. While I was talking with her, hearing about my humiliation, my mom called. Her message said she had received a call for the parents of my son. After she told them they had the wrong number and hung up, she worried. Worried that something was terribly wrong. She called me to check on him.
“Is he okay? Are you sure?”
“Yes mom, he’s right here. I just stuffed him meatballs and put gas in his car. He’s more than fine.”
I guess once a mom, always a mom. My kids are 16 and 23 and I’ll be worrying for a very long time. My mom still worries about me and I’m old enough to be a grandma (not that I want to be one, yet). Maybe it’s one of the ways we show our love.
I’ve been thinking about what I would post today. It’s the last day of spring break. At first I thought a list of all that I had done would be good. I had a lot of fun, met with friends, got stuff done around the house. But then I thought, no, it would be just another list. Since I couldn’t decide what to write, I went to yoga this morning before church. It was so hard! I felt like from the very beginning I was fighting a losing battle. My arms were tired, my legs too, and I was dripping sweat. “Everyone like hot yoga?” the instructor asked. No, I wailed inside my head. No one said anything, so neither did I. But I don’t like to be hot or sweat, especially inside! I’m thinking it’s a good thing I’m going to church by myself. I’m also not focused on the moves, but the heat. So I struggled for the hour. It made me think about what it’s going to be like tomorrow. Getting up early again. Making it to work a little early so I can make copies. Having morning duty first thing. Getting back into the swing of things after a week. I spent my afternoon making class plans. Or rather, I spent a good deal of time going through recommended lessons trying to figure out what would work for my students, wishing that I didn’t have to do it. I realized at one point that I just need to forget about how hard it is and that I’d rather have another day of spring break and just do it. Thank you Nike! Yes, some things we just have to do. Like wash our clothes and take out the trash and yes the mundane things at work. But they are what holds everything else together. Keeps it all running like it’s suppossed to. The un-fun part of life. But at the end of the day, I’m glad I worked out this morning and I’m glad I did my planning. I am grateful that I am ready for the week to come and I am looking foward to a successful week with my students. Thanks life!